How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Manager

Julia Toothacre explains how to evaluate and improve your working relationship with your manager without assuming every difficult dynamic is caused by a bad boss. She explores communication, expectations, working styles, trust, career development, organizational pressures, and the limits of what an employee can influence when a manager relationship is not working.

Your relationship with your manager can influence your workload, feedback, professional development, visibility, and opportunities for advancement. When the relationship works well, navigating those responsibilities and opportunities can be easier, but ongoing communication problems, conflicting expectations, or a lack of support can affect both your performance and your experience at work.

A strained relationship doesn't necessarily indicate poor management, particularly when two people have different personalities, communication styles, priorities, or approaches to work. Those differences can create tension even when neither person is necessarily doing anything wrong, which is why understanding the specific problems is important before deciding what needs to change.

In this episode of Control Your Career, I discuss how to evaluate your relationship with your manager, understand the organizational circumstances influencing it, and apply four strategies that may help you work together more effectively.

Evaluate Your Current Manager Relationship

Before trying to improve the relationship, consider what's working, where expectations are unclear, and whether you're receiving the feedback, resources, and support you need to perform effectively.

This evaluation connects to two areas of Realistic Reality, the first stage of my Control Your Career process.

Career Reality involves examining how the relationship influences your responsibilities, performance, professional development, and advancement opportunities. Rather than relying on a general feeling that your manager is difficult, identify the behaviors or recurring situations affecting your work.

External Reality considers the organizational circumstances influencing your manager's decisions, including leadership expectations, budget constraints, staffing limitations, and competing priorities. I've experienced these pressures as both an employee and a manager, and understanding where decisions originate can help distinguish problems your manager can address from those they have limited authority to change.

Organizational pressures don't excuse disrespectful or inappropriate behavior, but they can influence which conversations are likely to be productive and what changes are realistically possible.

Four Strategies to Improve Your Relationship With Your Manager

1. Communicate Your Needs, Expectations, and Concerns

Your manager may not understand what you need unless you've communicated it clearly, particularly when responsibilities, priorities, or feedback expectations have changed.

Addressing concerns early can help prevent recurring frustrations from affecting the relationship. When important expectations or responsibilities are discussed verbally, a brief written follow-up can also establish a shared understanding and provide something to reference if circumstances change.

2. Understand Your Manager's Priorities and Working Style

Managers have their own responsibilities, decision-making preferences, and organizational pressures that aren't always visible to employees. Understanding what information they need, how they prefer to communicate, and which priorities compete for their attention can help you approach conversations more effectively.

Adapting how you communicate doesn't require agreeing with every decision or changing your personality. It may simply involve presenting information in a way that helps your manager understand the situation and make an informed decision.

3. Build Trust Through Consistency and Accountability

Building trust requires consistency and accountability, including following through on commitments, communicating delays early, and taking responsibility when mistakes happen.

Demonstrating sound judgment also matters. Managers should provide appropriate guidance and support, but employees can strengthen the working relationship by assessing situations, taking initiative, and making decisions within their responsibilities rather than relying on constant direction.

4. Take Ownership of Your Career Development

Your manager can influence your professional development, but you shouldn't assume they know your career goals or will initiate every conversation about your future.

Communicating your interests, requesting specific feedback, and exploring opportunities to develop new skills can help you take a more active role in your career. Even when promotions aren't available, there may be projects, responsibilities, or professional relationships that support your longer-term goals.

Recognize When the Relationship Has Limitations

Making reasonable efforts to improve your relationship with your manager doesn't guarantee that the relationship will change, particularly when your manager isn't willing or able to address the problems.

Some relationships improve when both people communicate openly, make adjustments, and follow through on commitments. Others remain workable despite limitations in the manager's time, skills, authority, or ability to provide the support an employee wants.

Relationships involving persistent disrespect, bullying, retaliation, discrimination, or other harmful conduct require a different assessment. Depending on the circumstances, documenting specific incidents, reviewing organizational policies, and seeking appropriate support may be more useful than continuing to adjust your communication.

Recognizing which situation you're experiencing can help you evaluate whether continued efforts to improve the relationship make sense or whether you need to consider other options.

What You'll Learn in This Episode

• How to evaluate your current relationship with your manager and identify specific problems
• Why organizational pressures and management limitations matter
• How to communicate expectations, needs, and concerns more effectively
• How understanding your manager's priorities can improve your interactions
• Why consistency, accountability, and sound judgment contribute to trust
• How to take ownership of your professional development
• How to recognize whether a manager relationship can improve, has limitations, or is harmful